Unfortunately, Levitating is Not an Option

This is from the oral surgery that I had done about a week ago.  I’m in the process of having an implant put in and this was the first part that has to be done.  They are actually placing an anchor into my bone to later hold the implant.

While I can’t remember everything about the post that my brain wrote internally (hello drugs), here is what I do remember.  This is what my brain does under the influence of nitrous oxide.


Breathe in.  Breathe out.  I’m SO flippin’ anxious about this procedure that I want to pull one of those cartoon moves where they levitate out of the chair and then zoom, they are gone.  However, I can’t figure out how to levitate.  Dang.  Breathe in that good nitrous oxide.  Breathe out the “oh my, I’m going to die” thoughts.

Dentist is going to start procedure.  He rubs on a numbing gel on my gums.  (Side note: I pronounce it with a long ‘U’ sound. Gum -short u sound- is something you chew on.  Gum -long u sound- is what your teeth stick out of) I’m still working on those long deep breaths.  Remember breathe through nose to get wonderful magic gas.  It’s a good thing I don’t have a cold.  What would I do if I was real congested?  This would really suck if I couldn’t breathe through my nose.  I actually have a sinus infection.  I had a CT scan done to check my VP Shunt and while that was ok, they found a sinus infection.  Hmmm.

Oh look…they are giving me injections of Novocaine.  I wonder how many they’ve done.  My mouth feels tingly.  After a little bit the dentist informs me that if I have any pain from here on out I should let him know.  Deep breathe….breathe….stay calm….don’t know how to levitate.

Wait…they are starting “Procedure”.  This means he is going to slice open my gum.  He is taking a very sharp instrument to my flesh and cutting me open to expose bone.  Bone that isn’t suppose to see light or touch air.  When is he going to start? Why is the hygienist suctioning?  There is nothing to….oooooooo.  The dentist is moving around in my mouth which must mean that he is already working.  Weird!  I can’t feel anything.  Breathe.

This is going rather well.  Why was I so anxious? Oh yeah…because I have Anxiety Disorder.  haha  Disorder.  Does that mean not in order?  It’s a funny word.  Disorder.

I’m vibrating.  Why am I vibrating?  Whoa…  I think this is the part where they are drilling into my bone.  Vibrating stopped.  I feel coolness on my tongue (which is firmly planted at the back of my mouth blocking my throat off) and then the hygienist suctions.  Must be rinsing things.  Then more vibrating.  More rinsing?? Thank you my fair rinser lady.

Tap tap tap.  Whoa…is he hammering the implant in? (Side note: I’ve pictured this whole thing like putting in a wall anchor.  Drill hole, hammer in anchor)  Tap tap tap.  It feels like someone is rubbing my cheek. Tap tap tap. Why are they rubbing my cheek? Tap tap tap. Wait! That isn’t rubbing.  It’s the dentist’s hand touching my cheek.  As his hand moves away I hear the tap tap tap.  Is he ratcheting the anchor in?  Is the tapping the anchor screwing into my bone? Freaky.

I wonder if they can hear the tapping.  I wanna ask but I don’t think my brain could make my mouth move besides I feel a little like a car with its hood open and a couple mechanics leaning over it working on the engine.

“Open your mouth more, please”  HUH? Oh..dentist guy.  Guess my mouth was drifting closed with my thoughts.

I should blog about this tonight.

“Open your mouth more, please”.  Again??  I’m having trouble with this mouth of mine.  Silly mouth….Trix are for kids.  haha  I’m hilarious!

Wonder if he is sewing me up yet.  I’m like Frankenstein…I’m on a moving bed and I have stitches and… “We are going to sit you up just a little and start giving you more oxygen”


Wait, we are done?  I open my eyes, which have been closed the whole time.  Bright light!  My brain starts to clear some and I notice how numb my mouth is.  It feels like it is so swollen, but I know that it is just the Novocaine.  Or I’m pretty sure it is.

They sit me up some more and take off the gas-delivering mask.  The hygeinist asks how I feel and I tell her that I feel fine.  She goes over post operative instructions and says “why don’t we run over and take a picture quick”  I nod asking if we can walk instead.  I don’t think I could run and besides running seems like a lot of work.  She laughs and brings me for my xray.

I come back to the room for my things and the dentist shows me my x-ray.  And, I kid you not, it looks to me just like a wall anchor!

I return to my Andy and with prescriptions in hand we leave.


A peek into the drugged up brain of Paula.  Are you afraid?

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One Response to Unfortunately, Levitating is Not an Option

  1. Trina Bronander says:

    I think this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!!! I am glad u were able to “go with the flow” and see the humor in the whole situation 😉 Love you girl!

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