That Figment of Your Imagination Was Very Vivid!

We are home.  Cassie and I, that is.  Actually, all of us are home now.  While Cassie and I were at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin, Kalli was living at my parents’ house since Andy is at work before Kalli even gets up in the morning before school.  Each day Andy would pick Kalli up from school and bring her to my parents’ house and visit for a little bit before heading home to let Zoe out and take care of her.

Tuesday when Cassie and I got home it was after 8:00 and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get word to the bus to pick Kalli up to bring her to school the next morning so I had her stay at my parents’ one last night.

Wednesday was Kalli’s 8th birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!!

I can’t believe that she is 8 already.  I decided to surprise Kalli at school and I had my mom come to our place to sit with Cassie for a little bit while I picked up a little special lunch and went to have lunch with my baby girl.  Kalli was so surprised to see me she jumped into her arms and didn’t let go even after she remembered that her friends were there.  We had only seen each other for 3 hours within the past week and it was her birthday and Momma was there with her.

She leaned against me as we sat at the table eating our lunch in the lunchroom with her friends.  I walked her back to her classroom afterward and gave her a big hug before leaving her side.  I promised to pick her up after school and I made my way back home to Cassie.

Wednesday night was a fun night.  In part because it was Kalli’s birthday and in part because it was the first night that we were all back together as a family again.  My parents stopped by after school to bring Kalli’s suitcase back and to see Cassie Ann.  Later my Aunt Mary and cousin, Matt stopped by to see Cassie and to bring a ice cream cake for Kalli to share.  We ended the evening with the girls FaceTiming with Tony and Kelli so that they could see Cassie and wish Kalli a happy birthday.

It was an awesome night and we were all smiles and laughs.  It felt good to have some normalcy again.  To be home and to be together again.

Cassie and I still have a road ahead of us.  The next 3 weeks are going to be a little rough as she heals more.  In 3 weeks we go back down to Milwaukee to have a check up with her doctor.  Hopefully at that point we will get the all clear and Cassie can get back to her normal activities.  At this point she is limited to nothing strenuous whatsoever and caring for her incisions and such take up a good part of our time.

We are counting down the days until her appointment at this point because we know it will all be worth it, but it has been rough.  For now though, we are just thrilled to be home and with our family and friends again.

 

A Figment of Your Imagination

This is a post wherein I tell you that there will be no post tonight.

I’m thinking fond thoughts of you though and wanted you to know that.

Cassie and I were released from the hospital today and arrived home around 8:00 tonight. While I’m glad to be home, I’m quite tired and in need of a good night’s rest. I’m sure you’ll forgive me.

More tomorrow…

Healing

It’s almost 10:00 and I just shut Cassie’s t.v. off and got her all set for bed.  Tonight her back is really hurting.  She has already taken both Ibuprofen and her heavier duty pain pill.  I’ve spent a majority of the night either massaging her low back or trying to help her find comfortable positions.  (Note: There is no comfortable position.)  She has been in bed for too long and there is nothing that can be done about it.  Tomorrow I hope to keep her out of bed more in hopes that her back stops it’s hollaring, but for tonight she sort of has to suck it up.

Today was a full day.  We started the morning with talking with the doctor before getting some breakfast.  We then went for a field trip down to the ‘Healing Garden’.  Cassie has come to love heading out there everyday.  It is like a little escape from what is going on with her while we are inside.  She doesn’t have to think about the surgery, healing, or when she may be able to go home.

Once back in the room Cassie had to finish up some homework before physical therapy came in to work with her.  As soon as therapy was done the hospital teacher came to work with her on the next piece of her math work.  Then the doctor was here to see us again and I was able to ask my list of questions.

Once we were free from visitors Cassie decided that she wanted to head down to the garden again.  How could I say no…especially when it is so nice out.

By the time we got back to her room and into bed it was time to order down to get supper. (She took so long eating breakfast that she wasn’t hungry for lunch.  That is what happens when you don’t eat for several days.)

Now if you would, take the backache that she has and add to it the full day that today was.  It isn’t hard to see why she would be sort of inconsolable.  She is hurting and probably overtired.  What she really needs is just to fall asleep.  Something that isn’t easy when you are hurting.

She needs the rest though because tomorrow she has therapy again and school.  No more resting for Miss Cassie.

Just so that everyone knows, Cassie is healing and making progress amazingly well.  She really is doing much better then I thought she would.  I was worried about what she would be like when I took her home.  Would I have a half drugged up child who would be in horrific pain?  It has been anything but that.  Cassie hardly is taking anything for pain…maybe one or two Ibuprofen a day…and she isn’t in too much pain.  There is pain, but that is expected when they have cut through all the muscles in your abdomen.

I’m very proud of my girlie.  I just hope tomorrow her back decides not to turn to the dark side again.  Be one with the force, it should.  Or at least be one with us, on our team.

Another Step Forward

Today started out hard.  Cassie was very teary and cried at everything…including when I looked at her.  She is extremely homesick and just wants to get out of here already.  I decided that we would do another field trip down to the ‘Healing Garden’ for some fresh air and some freedom from our 9th floor room.  Sure it has a decent view and cheery yellow walls, but those walls become like jail doors after a while.

We got Cassie into her wheelchair and got all of her hookups on board and then we were off.  It was warm outside (86 degrees) but the sun and warmth felt nice.  For me, a big part of this stay feels like being trapped.  Sure I could go anywhere I want really, but I can’t leave the room without feeling like I’m abandoning Cassie.  I know I’m not really, and I do go out a couple times a day, but I feel like we are in this together so we need to stick together.

Once out in the garden, I sat on one of the benches and pulled Cassie up in front of me.  We talked about how we both want to go home.  About how going home is our main goal.  We also talked about all the little goals that are inbetween this moment and actually going home.  Eating solids again, getting rid of the tubes, being able to get out of bed and move on our own some.  We discussed how meeting all those little goals move us toward achieving our big goal and we can’t skip over the little ones just because we want the big one.  I told her that the doctors are not going to send us home early just to have us end up turning around and coming back because she wasn’t physically ready to go home.

Cassie understood what I was saying.  Whether or not she liked what I said remains to be seen, but she understood.

Tonight Cassie passed one of the mini goals in our path.  She ate solid food.  I have to tell you that I was extremely nervous about it.  It is a big deal to put food back on your belly after so long.  It’s been about 5 days since she had eaten.  Only 2 days ago she was allowed to start having little sips of water or apple juice.  This morning whe was allowed to have unlimited clear liquids with the possibility of real food at supper if all went well.  We hoped.  And then supper time came, the nurse paged the doctor with our question, and we were given the go ahead.

Scrambled eggs were chosen to be the first food.  As Cassie lifted her fork holding some egg to her mouth she just smiled.  I watched to see what would come next.  I have to say…I’ve never seen anyone look so satisfied or savor scrambled eggs as much as she did with that first bite.

I reminded her to go slow because we didn’t want to go backwards to clear liquids again.  I’m so proud that she listened and went slow and at the same time, finished the whole serving of eggs.  We both are proud of the fact that she never got nauseous and her stomach accepted the eggs with as much pleasure that Cassie took in eating them.

When you’ve been in ‘the joint’ (aka hospital) as long as we have you begin to take pride in the little things.

***I’d like to note that we haven’t been here long at all when you take into consideration the time that some families have to put in here.

Homesick

3:30am – Cassie calls out for me. I ask what it is she needs. She is hurting and she wants to go home. We call the nurse for a pain pill and I try to comfort her…we have at least 2-4 days left before she will be discharged. Once she has the pill in her system, I go back to sleep and let her watch a little t.v. hoping that it will help her doze off again.

4:20am – Cassie calls out for me. I ask her what she needs. She is still hurting. We call for the nurse again to get her other pain med. Once she takes it, I start stroking her forehead and into her hairline. I whisper how proud I am of her and how brave she is being through all this. She drifts off to sleep. I tip toe back to bed hopeing she actually gets some sleep now.

The highlight of our day is getting Cassie transferred into her wheelchair and taking her out of her room. It wasn’t easy with having to get all her tubing to come with us, but it was worth it in the end. I wheeled her down to the first floor where we checked out the aquarium that they have and then we headed out to the Healing Garden for some fresh air. Like real outside air. Other then being a little on the hot side it was very nice. We sat out there for a bit before heading back in.

It was a good thing we were headed in because Cassie’s IV bag was out and therefore her machine started beeping. It’s a good thing I know how to silence that alarm so it didn’t beep all the way up to her room.

We got Cassie up and into a chair one other time and shortly after my parents, Andy, and Kalli arrived. We all visited some and it was nice to have company. It has only been 4 days but I miss Andy like crazy.

After they left, it was just Cassie and I again to keep each other company. I’m not sure if Cassie over did it some or what exactly triggered it, but she had a very rough night. Lots of tears were shed. She was hurting, couldn’t get comfortable, incisions itched (she can’t scratch them), and she just wants to go home. I’ve tried explaining that the doctors aren’t going to send her home until they know she is well enough to go home without any problems. I’ve told her that this is important because we want her to be able to stay home once we get there and that I want her to not be in too much pain or not be able to move at all. I’ve also told her that every day is one day closer to going home and that soon enough we will be headed back to our own beds and routines. Unfortunately, for her, it can’t get here soon enough.

I made an executive decision that she should take a pain pill to calm things and that then we were going to bed. We need the sleep, she needs the healing qualities of sleeping, and we both need to have one more day under our belts so that it puts us one day closer to packing up for home.

Forward Movement

Today is a much better day then yesterday was. Yesterday was the kind of day that makes me want to run away crying. It was a day that was miserable and there was nothing that I could do to fix it.

Cassie was hurting. Any time she moved she was in pain. We couldn’t let her stay on her back all day. We don’t want her to get bed sores or for her skin to break down so she has to go onto her side for a couple hours here and there. This is where I felt like a horrible mother. I knew she needed to move yet I didn’t want to hurt her. We’d get her turned and propped with pillows and then I’d lean over the bed to hold her the best that I could while whispering reassuring words to her and stroking her forehead. It was all I could do.

Today was a new day though. I woke up and Cassie hadn’t even taken a pain pill since the night before. She was talking more and smiling some. We watched a movie and mid-morning (after we did get a pain pill in her system) we moved her into a chair. We put her leg braces on her, moved her legs off the side of the bed and held her up. After the dizziness and nausea passed we helped her stand and turn to sit in a chair. She made it 30 minutes in the chair (whimpering the entire time, mind you) before we put her back in bed.

I really can’t blame the girl. She has 3 tubes coming out of her abdomin and a incision that is about 6-7 inches long starting below her belly button. I’d whimper and not want to sit up either.

During her time in the chair the nurse and I made the best of the time. The nurse changed her bed and got everything cleaned up. I brushed the rat nest that had taken residence in the hair behind her head.

By the time we got her back into bed and settled, I thought she would nap for sure. But she didn’t. She watched a little TV and rested until the hospital teacher came in to work on math with her. They worked for 30 minutes which gave me a chance to take a moment and go out into the little garden area that the hospital has. I really needed the sun, fresh air, and warmth.

Today is worlds apart from what yesterday was. And I’m thankful for it. Here’s to hoping that tomorrow only brings more improvement. We already know that Cassie will get to take in some closer-to-food nutrition tomorrow (up to now she has only been able to take sips of water) and that we’ll get her up in the chair again.

The doctor told me that we are off to a good start but have a long road ahead of us still. (he emphasized the word ‘long’) As long as we keep putting one foot in front of the other I figure we are going in the right direction.

The Day After Surgery

Yesterday my Cassie girl had surgery.  Without going into detail it was on her intestines and bladder.  It was a 6 hour surgery that turned into a 9 hour surgery.  There were no complications, but due to her innards…they had to manipulate things more and get things just right.  Needless to say it was a long and emotional day. 

I kept myself busy with texting family to let them know updates as I got them.  With gas prices being as they are and one of our vehicles being a gas hog, I’m on my own with keeping Cassie’s spirits up during this whole process. 

We are scheduled to be here for 5-8 days and already today…the day after her surgery…I’m finding this to be rough.  Cassie is quieter then normal and sorta withdrawn.  From what I can get out of her that she is hurting, the drugs are making her sleepy-ish, she is hungry but not allowed to eat yet, she is bored yet doesn’t want to do anything (playing games, reading, watching a movie), she misses her friends and school, she is thirsty but can only take small sips, and she wants visitors but being 2 hours away from friends and family make that pretty impossible.  My parents, Andy, and Kalli will be coming down this weekend, but that does nothing to make her feel better right now.

I’m feeling helpless because there is nothing that I can do to ‘fix’ things for her.  I helped give her a sponge bath this morning to help with some of the itching that one of the pain meds is causing.  I’ve tried suggesting things to do that would help pass time and keep her mind busy, but I’ve only been met with looks and shoulder shurgs.  All in all, my girlie is miserable and nothing but time is going to fix it.

The doctors have been in this morning and say that she is off to a wonderful start.  Everything looks good and just as it should.  The doctor also informed me that we still have a long road ahead of us, but at least we are starting off the right way.  The idea of a long road has me cringing some though.  I have to find a way to lift her spirits and keep her going so that these days don’t drag on horribly.  Side note: I looked at the clock this morning at 9:00 and wanted to cry because it was only 9:00.  Time passes slowly in the hospital.

I know that I’m being impatient and that she just had surgery yesterday…a 9 hour surgery.  I can’t expect her to bounce back to normal overnight.  I know that tomorrow she will feel a little better and the next day even a little more.  It’s just hard to watch her being so ‘off’.  I’m a fixer and this is something that takes time to fix.

Today our goal is to attempt to get her into an upright chair to see how that feels.  I’m secretly worrying about the pain involved.  They had to open her up quite a bit and she actually has an incision that is about 5-6 inches long starting at her belly button and going down.  I’m really hoping that a change in position and getting out of the bed will help her mood some.  I’ve already talked about playing a game or two once she is upright and maybe trying to get a smile out of her.  I need to see that smile. 

Sometimes being a parent is challenging.  We just keep plugging away though.

Little pains

About a week ago, our microwave decided to become semi-retired.

It started a while back. Every now and then we would attempt to start the well treated microwave and it would blow the circuit downstairs. Sure it wasn’t a huge deal to run downstairs and reset the circuit but it was kind of a pain.

Then two weeks ago it decided that it would become a bigger pain. Completely random beeps started coming from the appliance. I started scratching my head and wondering where this was heading. Though in all honesty, I knew where this was headed.

We started unplugging the microwave whenever we weren’t using it. Then last week most of the buttons stopped working. Most importantly, the start button would no longer work. While we don’t really use the microwave very often (mostly for reheating leftovers) a start button seems a necessity when you do use it. No amount of pleading or beating would make it work. It was time to get a new microwave. We went out and found a smaller, more compact, and inexpensive microwave to replace our now pretty much useless one.

Around the same time, Andy was cutting the grass when our lawn mower started sounding funny. As in it didn’t seem to be idling right. Pleading and kicks haven’t worked on the mower either. I’m beginning to give up on my quick fixes. I’ve researched our mower and problem online finding a couple different things to try, but none of the things we’ve tried have worked.

Now, because it doesn’t want to stay on, we are looking at possibly having to get a new mower. Either that or go for the whole prairie grass look.

Growing older

How do you know that you are getting older?

Sure there is that whole hair color changing thing. And the fact that little wrinkles start to appear. Let’s not forget the aches and pains that some of us get at too young of an age.

A couple days ago Kalli went to a birthday party for a friend at a local roller rink. Even though she isn’t so good at the skating, she has fun trying. While I watched her attempts to carefully skate, I found myself very nostalgic for the time when I roller skated all the time. I was good at it too…if I do say myself. At one point I even wanted to live in my skates.

As I watched the young kiddos skating/falling all over the place all I could think about was how I’d love to get on some skates. However, scenarios of broken hips, fractured wrists, and sprained ankles flooded my thoughts. My brain started sending me messages…pain bad…along with the question of who will do everything around the house? Mind you, I know that Andy would step up to take care of things but it isn’t the same as doing it yourself and knowing that things are done the way you want them to be. That is just my OCD talking. It is a little particular about how things are done.

When we were leaving the roller rink there were kids jumping off the side of the stairs. There is no railing there and it is about 3 feet jump. Nothing big for those whippersnappers. Years ago I would have jumped down that without thinking. Now, though, my brain runs through all the outcomes.  Things like broken or sprained ankles, broken hips (seeing a obsession with broken hips?), and just plain falling on my face.

I’m not that young anymore and I worry about my body falling apart.  And, while I don’t know this for sure, I think that I may need my body for the rest of my life.  Having it fall apart in my thirties would leave me with a long time to go body-less.  I’m not sure I’m ready to lose my functioning body and become a half robot like Darth Vader.  Though I’m sure I’d be a hit with some of the geeky part of the family.

Is anyone else out there worried about their too quickly aging body or is it just me?

2012 Garden – the beginning

Well, I’ve started growing my plants indoors.  And I’m growing impatient for the warm weather to stick around so I can finally plant my garden.

Yesterday Cassie helped me replant some tomatoes, cucumbers, and marigolds to larger containers.  She enjoyed herself and I’m hoping that this may be something that she is interested in and that we can work on together.

I do have one pole bean plant (you may see it standing out in the picture above) that has been taking steriods or something.  It is now 12 inches tall, whereas all the other beans that were planted at the same time are just starting to grow.  Not sure what’s up with this bean, but it just makes me want to plant in my garden even more so…. before it is 8 feet tall.